As a parent of a neurodivergent child, I’ve come to realize that sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to break free from our rigid routines. Now, before you start thinking that your carefully crafted schedule is being thrown out the window, let me assure you that this isn’t about abandoning structure altogether.
In fact, research suggests that having a consistent routine is essential for children with neurodevelopmental disorders like autism, ADHD, and anxiety. However, what’s equally important is being flexible enough to adapt as needed.
Think of it this way: life is unpredictable, and our routines often become too rigid to handle the unexpected twists and turns. When we’re faced with a change in plans or an unexpected event, if we try to stick to our original plan, we can end up feeling frustrated, stressed, and even burnt out.
So, how do we strike the right balance between structure and flexibility? Here’s what I’ve learned:
First, let’s acknowledge that some days will be good. Some days will be terrible. And on those days when everything seems to be falling apart, it’s okay to throw a wrench into your carefully planned schedule.
When this happens, try not to get too caught up in feeling like you’ve failed or messed up somehow. Instead, take a deep breath and assess the situation. What are the essential tasks that still need to be completed? How can we adapt our routine to make things work?
For example, if my child is having a particularly challenging day at school, I might adjust their after-school routine to include some extra self-regulation strategies like a calming activity or a quiet break.
On other days when everything seems to be running smoothly, take the opportunity to review your routine and identify any areas where you can simplify or streamline things. Are there too many transitions between activities? Can you eliminate one or two steps in the process?
The key is to find that sweet spot where we have enough structure to feel secure and supported, but also enough flexibility to adapt when life gets in the way.
It’s also essential to remember that our children learn from us. By being flexible and adaptable ourselves, we model healthy coping mechanisms for them to learn from. And trust me, this is especially important for neurodivergent children who often struggle with self-regulation.
So, is it okay to break the mold and adapt your routine as needed? Absolutely. In fact, I’d argue that it’s a sign of intelligence, compassion, and understanding of our complex neurobiology.
Remember, parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, flexible, and willing to adjust on the fly. By embracing this mindset, you’ll not only create a more sustainable routine for yourself, but also one that honors your child’s unique needs and promotes their overall well-being.