What Happens When a Rigid Routine Isn’t Working (And What to Do Next)
As a parent of a child with neurodivergence, you’re probably no stranger to the importance of structure and routine. For many children on the autism spectrum, ADHD, or other neurodevelopmental disorders, rigid schedules can provide a sense of security and comfort. But what happens when that routine starts to feel suffocating, frustrating, or just plain not working?
First, take a deep breath and acknowledge that it’s okay to admit when something isn’t working. Recognizing the need for change is a huge step forward, and it means you’re willing to explore new ways of doing things.
When a rigid routine isn’t working, it can lead to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout. Your child may start to push back against the expectations that are weighing them down, or they might become withdrawn and resistant to engaging in activities they once loved. This is often a sign that something needs to shift.
So, what do you do next?
Start by listening: Have a conversation with your child about how they’re feeling. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s not working for you?” or “How are you feeling when it comes to our routine?” Listen attentively to their responses and try to understand their perspective.
Explore flexibility: Rigid routines can be great, but sometimes flexibility is what’s needed. Consider introducing small changes to your child’s schedule, like allowing for extra breaks or trying a new activity. Be gentle and patient – this might take some experimentation to get right.
Focus on self-regulation: For many children with neurodivergence, self-regulation skills are still developing. When we’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, it can be hard to calm down and regulate our emotions. Try incorporating activities that promote regulation, like deep breathing exercises, yoga, or sensory play.
Re-evaluate your expectations: As a parent, it’s natural to want the best for your child and to expect them to meet certain standards. However, sometimes those expectations are just not realistic. Take this opportunity to re-examine what you’re asking of your child and see if there are ways to make things more manageable.
Practice self-care: Let’s be honest – parenting a child with neurodivergence can be exhausting. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too! Engage in activities that bring you joy, prioritize rest and relaxation, and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
Remember, it’s okay to not have all the answers right now. The key is to take small steps towards change, with patience and kindness. By working together with your child, you can find new ways of navigating challenges and creating a more flexible, supportive routine that truly works for everyone.