Do I Need to Let My Child Feel Their Emotions Even When They’re Scary or Overwhelming?
As parents of neurodivergent children, we want to help our kids navigate the world and manage their emotions. But sometimes, it can be tempting to try to shield them from feelings that seem too much to handle. “Why let my child feel scared or overwhelmed when I could just calm them down?” you might ask yourself.
The truth is, this approach can actually make things worse in the long run. By trying to suppress or avoid certain emotions, we may inadvertently teach our children to disengage from their feelings rather than learning healthy ways to regulate and process them.
So how do we balance giving our kids space to feel overwhelmed with helping them learn to manage their emotions? The key is understanding that all emotions, no matter how scary or uncomfortable they may be, are a natural part of being human. By acknowledging and validating these emotions, rather than trying to suppress them, we can help our children develop essential skills for emotional regulation.
When my own child was first diagnosed with autism, I worried about what this meant for their future emotional well-being. Would they always struggle to manage stress or anxiety? Or could we teach them healthier ways of coping?
One thing I quickly learned is that every child’s nervous system is wired differently. Some may be more sensitive to sensory inputs, while others may have a harder time regulating their emotions. My daughter, for example, has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, which affects the way she processes and responds to her environment.
At first, it was heartbreaking to watch her get overwhelmed by even the simplest things – a loud noise, a crowded room, or a sudden change in routine. But I realized that these feelings were not something to be ashamed of; rather, they were opportunities for growth and learning.
By acknowledging my daughter’s emotions and validating her experiences, I could help her develop strategies for managing them. We started with small steps – deep breathing exercises, visualization techniques, and physical activity to calm the nervous system. As she grew and learned, we gradually introduced more complex skills like journaling, mindfulness, and problem-solving.
It wasn’t always easy, of course. There were times when I felt like giving up or taking over completely. But with patience, empathy, and a willingness to learn alongside my child, I began to see real progress.
One day, my daughter came to me in tears because she was feeling overwhelmed by a school project deadline. She had been struggling to focus for days, and her anxiety was starting to get the best of her. I listened attentively as she explained how she felt, and then we worked together to break down the task into smaller, manageable chunks.
As we worked side by side, something remarkable happened. My daughter’s tears began to dry, replaced by a look of determination and purpose. She started to see that her feelings were not a weakness, but a signal that she needed help – and that I was there to support her.
This is the power of teaching our children to feel their emotions, even when they’re scary or overwhelming. By acknowledging their experiences and validating their feelings, we can help them develop essential skills for emotional regulation and resilience.
Of course, this approach requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn alongside your child. But trust me – it’s worth it. When our kids feel seen and heard, they begin to trust themselves and their abilities, even in the face of uncertainty or fear. And that’s when true growth begins.