Do You Need to Let Your Autistic Child Hit Before They Learn Self-Regulation?
As parents of autistic children, we’re constantly seeking ways to support our kids in developing self-regulation skills. One question that often comes up is whether letting our child hit others before they learn self-regulation is necessary or helpful. The truth is, this approach can be both effective and misguided.
From a neurodiverse perspective, hitting is not just about aggression; it’s also about sensory regulation. Many autistic children experience overstimulation due to their sensitive nervous systems. When they feel overwhelmed, they may resort to self-soothing strategies like hitting themselves or others. This behavior can provide temporary relief from the overwhelming sensations, but it doesn’t teach our child how to regulate themselves in a healthy way.
The problem with letting our child hit before teaching them alternative strategies is that we’re reinforcing the same behavior without addressing its underlying causes. When we ignore or excuse this behavior, we may inadvertently teach our child that hitting is an acceptable solution to problems. This can lead to more severe behaviors down the line and hinder their ability to develop self-regulation skills.
So, what does work instead? Here are a few alternatives:
Firstly, acknowledge your child’s feelings without dismissing them. Sometimes, all they need is someone to validate their emotions. We can say something like, “I can see that you’re really upset right now” or “That sounds frustrating.” This acknowledgment helps our child feel heard and understood.
Secondly, offer alternative sensory outlets. Provide your child with tools to regulate their nervous system, such as deep pressure, swinging, or playdough. This allows them to self-soothe in a way that feels more comfortable for them.
Thirdly, teach coping strategies together. We can model healthy behaviors like taking a break, counting to ten, or using a favorite toy to calm down. It’s essential to involve our child in this process and encourage them to find their own solutions.
Lastly, remember that every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. What’s most important is that we approach these situations with compassion, patience, and understanding. Rather than seeing hitting as a problem to be solved, let’s see it as an opportunity to learn about our child’s needs and develop strategies to support them.
Self-regulation skills take time and practice to develop. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you work through this process with your child. Don’t worry if it takes time – the goal is not to eliminate hitting behavior but to teach our child healthier ways to cope with overwhelming emotions.
As we navigate these challenges, remember that our autistic children are not trying to be naughty or disobedient; they’re simply navigating a world that can be confusing and overwhelming for them. By approaching these situations with empathy and understanding, we can help our child develop the skills they need to thrive.