As a parent of an autistic child, I’ve experienced firsthand the challenges of managing burnout. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to meet our children’s unique needs while neglecting our own well-being. But neglecting our own care can lead to burnout, which can be detrimental to our relationships with our children and overall quality of life.
One common mistake parents make when it comes to managing burnout is assuming that they have unlimited energy and patience. We think that if we just try harder, we’ll be able to keep up with our child’s needs without getting exhausted. But the truth is, neurodivergent children require a lot of energy and attention, and even the most well-intentioned parents can’t pour from an empty cup.
Another mistake is trying to do it all alone. We might think that we need to be perfect caregivers, always having all the answers and being able to manage our child’s behaviors without any help. But the reality is, burnout comes when we try to carry the load alone. We need support systems in place – whether that’s a partner, family members, friends, or professional resources like therapists or coaches.
Another trap is comparing ourselves to others. We see other parents on social media who seem to have it all together, with their tidy homes and well-behaved children. But we forget that everyone’s journey is unique, and those comparisons are often unfair. We need to focus on our own strengths and weaknesses, rather than measuring up to someone else’s standard.
Another common mistake is trying to fix everything ourselves. We might think that if we just try harder or find the right strategies, we can magically fix our child’s behaviors without any outside help. But the truth is, neurodivergent children often require specialized support that goes beyond what a parent can provide on their own. This can include therapy, occupational therapy, or other forms of professional support.
Finally, we need to recognize that burnout is not just about us – it’s also about our relationship with our child. When we’re burnt out, we can become more reactive and less patient, which can actually exacerbate behaviors in our children. By taking care of ourselves, we can become better role models for our children and help them develop healthier coping mechanisms.
So what can we do instead? Here are a few strategies that have helped me:
First, prioritize self-care. This might mean taking breaks when you need them, going to bed at a reasonable hour, or engaging in activities that bring us joy. Don’t worry about how selfish it is – our children benefit from seeing us take care of ourselves.
Second, seek out support systems. Whether that’s a therapist, coach, or support group, having people who understand what we’re going through can make all the difference.
Third, focus on what you can control, rather than trying to fix everything yourself. That might mean working with professionals, setting boundaries with your child, or finding ways to simplify your daily routine.
Finally, remember that burnout is not a failure – it’s just a signal that we need to make some changes. By taking care of ourselves and prioritizing our own needs, we can become better caregivers for our children and create healthier, happier relationships with them.